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Furm's Take: The Blind Date That Had To Happen
Soccer's NCAA Division III National Players of the Year were going on a date together, whether they realized it or not.
Grantham, PA — What do dating websites eHarmony.com, match.com and chemistry.com have in common? None of them can provide one sweat bead of an inkling if two people are an “athletic match.” Which is where I come in. Unless you’re allergic to Things That Have Never Before Happened In Sports, you’re probably aware that soccer’s most eligible bachelor and bachelorette are rubbing elbows right here! On this campus! JD Binger earned this year’s NCAA Division III Men’s Player of the Year honor after being the Falcons’ safety blanket in the backfield, winning every stinking ball while shutting down the country’s best scorers like Circuit City locations. That’s not to mention his season-saving, choke-on-your-own-spit goal with a minute remaining against Christopher Newport University in the Elite 8 — propelling Messiah to the Final Four and ultimately its sixth national championship. Amanda Naeher, meanwhile, was named the NCAA Division III Women’s Player of the Year, leading the Messiah women’s soccer team to its second national title this season. All she did was score a school-record 33 goals and tally a program-best 72 points, posting hat tricks five different times. Seriously, five times. That’s about as easy as painting a Picasso with a ferret for a brush. Two Players of the Year. From the same school in the same season. For the first time in the history of the NCAA. At any level. I knew what I had to do. JD Binger and Amanda Naeher must — for the future of soccer — go out on a date. I started, of course, with the basics. Both JD and Amanda were listed as “single” on their Facebook profiles, prompting me to slightly abuse my power as assistant athletics director for phase two of Operation Soccer Love. I requested separate “interviews” with JD and Amanda, purportedly to “discuss player of the year seasons.” Unbeknownst to one another, both obliged to meet me at my office the evening after Valentine’s Day at the exact same time! Feel free to call me Cupid Furman. Admittedly, the start to my kamikaze date was a bit awkward. Each wanted to know why the other was there, and their curiosity heightened when I suggested we take the interview off campus. “Where do you want to go to do this interview?” JD asked me. I tried to hide a smile. He would soon learn that I was taking them to the place where romance is kindled. I was going to drop the unsuspecting pair where flames of love often spark, a place known for first dates ending with stuffed contentment. Yes, I was taking them to Texas Roadhouse. We arrived on site following a fairly uneventful drive over, Jodeci’s Forever My Lady spinning all the while in my CD player. I realized ahead of time that few would believe my feat of successfully setting up these two legends, so I bribed a rib-eating older woman who was sitting at the bar with $20. “I just need you to get a few pictures of the two people I’m with,” I told her. “They can’t know about it. I’m trying to set them up on a date. I’m a sports columnist.” She looked at me as if she understood. “You remind me of my grandson,” she said with a smile. “He was a communist, too.” The Paparazzi, this was not. Once the food was ordered and the ambiance of server-led, tableside line dances in full effect, I began doing my best Dr. Phil impression. What do each of you look for in a life partner? Do you believe in soul mates? Do you ever think of your future offspring, and the effect your incredible soccer DNA will have on them? “Shouldn’t you be asking us questions about our soccer seasons?” Binger asked. I quickly flagged down Erin, our lovely waitress. “Another shot of grenadine in this man’s soda!” As the night wore on, however, the tension-relieving powers of the Cactus Blossom became evident. JD and Amanda openly discussed erroneous rumors of the two dating, sharing laughs and bites of their respective cuts of beef. “I know I’ve had a lot of people come up to me and ask if we were dating,” Binger said. “I think a lot of that comes from the online (soccer) chat boards. ‘Tuna’ and ‘MrMysterio,’ they know what I’m talking about.” Naeher spoke of similar instances. “I’ve been asked if I was dating JD by people I barely even know,” she said. “They’d say stuff like, ‘We saw you guys sitting in the union together!’ So that means we’re dating?” Mere soccer-loving mortals can only hope, I guess. In reality, turns out the two are actually quite good friends. By the time I was on my second basket of rolls, the oafishness of my match-making efforts was replaced by the sincerity of JD and Amanda — not as soccer players, but as people. There was no talk of their player of the year awards (except when I announced it on the restaurant’s public address system) but instead discussion of being part of incredibly successful teams at an incredibly special place. “The coolest part about this year was that we got to share it with the guys,” Amanda said. “I can’t describe how cool it is to do something so great, all you can do is cry. The relationships that are formed here go way beyond soccer. They’re real and they’re important.” Binger agreed. “We talk about ‘Iron Sharpens Iron’ on our team a lot, but that exists between all athletes here,” he said. “I think we all pull for one another and really enjoy each others’ successes. You’ll see someone from a different sport working out in their off-season not because their coach is making them, but because they want to be the best. And you’re like, that’s it. There are quality people at Messiah; people that want to enjoy life and be successful at all that they do. People work their tails off to get good grades. For me, it just happens to be sport and it just happens to be soccer. But that attitude of excellence is all over campus.” And, it comes from the top down. Both JD and Amanda recalled various acts of kindness from Messiah President Kim Phipps, congratulating them on their seasons and for being such a positive reflection on the school. On a side note, President Phipps also asked JD if the pair were dating earlier in the year, thus revealing the identity of username ‘MCizzlePrezizzle’ in soccer chat room land. “President Phipps makes you feel so valued, she’s outstanding,” Binger said. “The team invitations to her home, the congratulatory emails … it’s the little things that make a really big difference.” By the time our cheesecake arrived, I had become so engrossed by the pair’s selflessness and good spirit that I had completely forgotten my original intent of the evening. I failed to show them the honeymoon getaway pamphlets I had picked up at a local travel agency, and I completely spaced the fail safe: There would be no two-person spin-the-bottle contest on this night. Not that it would have mattered. Binger will be gone from campus next fall, most likely playing professional soccer or attending grad school. Naeher, meanwhile, still has two years of eligibility left, a result of not playing soccer her freshman year at Messiah. (Sorry to burst your bubble, rest of NCAA Division III women's soccer programs.) So, it appears that my days of playing match-maker have come and gone, with little result to boast. But in 20 years or so, if I ever hear about some stud high school soccer player with the last name Naeher-Binger, I’m going to quit my job no matter what. I’ve been told professional sports agents make a pretty good living, with the right client base.
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