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Furm's Take: The Biggest Perk? It's Little Known
Sophomore and women's soccer forward Marla Sensi would probably provide a similar reaction should her woobie become lost, or worse yet, defiled.
Grantham, PA — People often ask me what I like most about my job. ‘Is it the lush schedule?’ they’ll ask. Nah. I’m best friends with the custodial graveyard shift in our athletics building. ‘It must be the big-time money,’ they’ll chide. (Laughter usually follows this tongue-in-cheek barb before I can reply.) But in all seriousness, the absolute best part of my job is the little-known fact. Or, should I say, a variety of little-known facts. Did you know that sophomore and women’s soccer standout Erin Hench enjoys eating peaches in the shower? Or that cross country sophomore Taylor Munoz is related to Benjamin Rush, who signed the Declaration of Independence? Or how about the fact that Keaton Kasiguran — sophomore member of Messiah’s men’s soccer team — was deathly afraid of Mickey Mouse as a child? “I saw a Mickey Mouse movie when I was little, and there was this part where his mouth got real big and swallowed the entire screen,” he said. “I thought he was going to eat me.” Thanks to my job, I get to know all of these things. Legally. At the beginning of every sports season, I supply each student-athlete with an in-depth questionnaire. The greater purpose for these surveys is utilized in varying promotional pieces, dealings with the media, etc. Sure, there are fundamental pieces to the task, such as listing one’s hometown newspaper, previous school and academic major, but that’s all mundane drivel to me. The good stuff happens on the line that reads simply: “Little-Known Fact About Yourself.” Senior men’s soccer defender JD Binger can make a quality wookie call. Goalkeeper Jared Clugston prefers ice cream cones without the ice cream. Junior Cory Kaufman, of the Falcons’ cross country squad, was a two-time blue ribbon winner in square dancing at the Pennsylvania State Farm Show. Volleyball freshman Brynn Lettieri eats Spam. She did not specify if that was intentional. “Hey,” Lettieri said. “Spam is the most overlooked meat in the United States. That is, if it is meat.” Now, before everyone goes all Privacy Act on me, relax. Each questionnaire is equipped with a disclaimer citing that any information provided on said questionnaire is suitable for print and/or publication. That doesn’t seem to stop some from brutal honesty, especially distance runners. Cross country stud senior Frank Eanes simply wrote, “My feet smell terribly and I sweat profusely.” Sophomore Ryan Faus admitted making a wrong turn during a race and somehow winding up in a construction site, needing the workers to direct him back to the course. Teammate Erin Rhodes once spilled detergent on her running shorts before a meet without knowing it. It then poured. “By the time I finished, my shorts were a giant collection of suds,” she scribed. (Editor’s note: Head coach Dale Fogelsanger was not quoted as saying Rhodes ran a clean race afterward. How much wider can the door be open, Coach Fogelsanger?!) At times, the collection of this consequential data can be cumbersome. Student-athletes take this task seriously, as they should. That doesn’t always sit well with coaches, who often seem to have other agendas, like practicing. Earlier this fall during two-a-days, Messiah’s women’s soccer team remained spread across Shoemaker Field thoughtfully filling in those ever-so-important blanks well after the team photo shoot had ended. “These questionnaires are too long,” said head coach Scott Frey, obviously agitated by all that I represented. “We’re running out of daylight.” (Editor’s note number two: Scott Frey is my sports information assistant.) But just as training a national powerhouse soccer squad takes time, so does the unearthing of incredibly entertaining little-known facts. How else would one learn that senior women’s soccer forward Rachel Horning thinks Crayola magic markers are superior to all other writing utensils? Or that Mary Hoover, field hockey defender, has met O.J. Simpson? Or what about the fact that volleyball back-row specialist Meghan Morrissey is petrified of birds? “Have you ever been to the beach?” Morrissey asked. “Those seagulls will attack you.” I asked Morrissey if she was afraid of smaller, less aggressive birds, like sparrows. “Are they near me?” she questioned. For argument’s sake, let’s suppose they are. “Yes,” she said. “Get them away from me.” Of course, these questionnaires can provide useful information as well. For example, I know if I want to surround myself with intelligence, I’ll hang out with men’s soccer manager Gerard Marrone or cross country twins Daniel and Matt Herring. All three can say the alphabet backwards, while the Herrings can name every U.S. President in the order in which they held office. That may pale in comparison to fellow distance runner Mark Rebuck, who claims to know every World Series winner, who they beat and in how many games. Athletes’ little-known facts come in all shapes and sizes. There are the unfortunate: Cross country freshman Christopher Boyd failed his driver’s license test three times. There are the offbeat: Teammate Benjamin Scharett is the founder of SCPS, a paranormal investigation group in upstate New York. And there are the oddly impressive: Men’s soccer manager Beau Herndon was the number one-ranked player in the world, for a few weeks, at a video game called Ghost Recon 2. In my short time collecting these questionnaires, I’ve gathered a rudimentary Hall of Fame list. An athlete at my previous place of work used to believe telephone poles were trees killed by electricity, one of my personal favorites. At Messiah, however, my champion goes to Marla Sensi, sophomore forward for the women’s soccer team. Marla still sleeps with her baby blanket, known affectionately as “woobie.” “The woobie is a big deal in my family,” Sensi said. “I got it the day I was born. My sister tried to take it from me when I was very little, and I pushed her down. Now, woobie is so frail, we have to use a special cycle on the washing machine so it doesn’t desintegrate.” I asked Marla when she would stop sleeping with the woobie. I presumed it would be when she settled down and got married. Tragically, Marla told me that her teammates regularly make fun of the woobie, and she must hide it in the crack between her mattress and the wall for fear someone will take it as a prank. Sensi’s teammate and close friend Joanna Haqq claims to be “very messy” at brushing her teeth, a ritual Sensi has seen first-hand while classifying it as “disgusting.” Imagine if the pair elected to live together next year, and the woobie was mistaken for some kind of wash cloth. “I don’t even want to think of that possibility,” Sensi said. “I would be devastated.” And who says this stuff is trivial?
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