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Furm's Take: Now That's A (F.A.N.) Golf Outing !!!
Throwing one's golf ball? Not only was it legal at the inaugural F.A.N. Outing, it was encouraged. Take a look at the complete photo gallery here.
Harrisburg, PA — You know what the problem is with 97 percent of today’s golf outings in the continental United States? There aren’t enough opportunities to legally cheat! That wasn’t an issue at last week’s inaugural Falcon Athletic Network Outing, however, where 116 golfers bamboozled the rules at rates that would make Lindsay Lohan cringe. I was at Blue Ridge Country Club the entire day. Zipped around on a cart and watched things that would make Arnold Palmer spit up his namesake. I saw golfers pick up their ball and throw it underhand. I saw them chuck it overhand. I saw them take more second, third and fourth shots than Brett Favre. But the best part? It was all prompted — commended, even — by the folks in charge! “We wanted to make this a little bit more than a typical golf outing,” said Troy Boone, Messiah head golf coach and mastermind behind Monday’s adventure. “Since this was the kick-off event for the Falcon Athletic Network, we wanted to incorporate different sports and our student-athletes. I think it was very, very well-received.” With so many opportunities to put training wheels on the game of golf, how could it not have been? Participants had the chance to buy mulligans up front. Then, throughout the course, foursomes competed in varying sports’ challenges for additional opportunities to bend the rules with integrity. If a team made two free throws at the basketball station, the group got a mulligan from Falcons’ roundball coaches Rick Van Pelt and Mike Miller. Drain more than two shots, and the team collected a baseball throw, used as an extension of its last golf shot, anywhere on the course but the green. The same went for the soccer station — golfers had to score a penalty kick above a horizontal line halfway up the netting — and the lacrosse station, where G-Money made things difficult all day. “G-Money is a screen that attaches to the pipes of the lacrosse goal, and simulates the areas that a goalie would normally save,” said Geoff Weisenborn, Messiah men’s lacrosse head coach. For the chance at a mulligan or softball throw, golfers not only had to figure out how to use a lacrosse stick before heading to the 15th tee box, but navigate G-Money, who, according to Weisenborn, also goes by the names Hector The Rejector and Esther The Arrestor. “G-Money is not very mobile, but he was stopping shots all day,” Weisenborn said. “He’s a screen.” As foursomes made their way around the course, it appeared the sports’ challenges became more important than the golf itself. Upon revealing their hoops game was in the tank, several golfers yelled excuses to Van Pelt and Miller — “that ain’t regulation, man!” — while more than one golfer went Rich Karlis and attempted the soccer penalty kick barefooted. “It was different,” said Ryan Mark, outing participant, “but that made it more fun. Other golf tournaments don’t compare to this.” Of course, with so many opportunities to justly cheat in the scramble, team scores were lower than Fannie Mae stock. But that didn’t matter. As Messiah’s student-athletes and coaches mingled with players throughout the course on an absolutely fabulous late summer day, it was the picture perfect way to start the Falcon Athletic Network. “F.A.N. is a network designed to promote enthusiasm and financial support for our sports’ programs and our student-athletes,” said Jack Cole, Messiah director of athletics. “Today, we not only started F.A.N., but we provided a glimpse of just who this network is benefitting.” If you’re reading this, you’re encouraged to join F.A.N., and become an integrated part of the excitement. In June, I was named the director of the Falcon Athletic Network. Because of this, I can write the following: Not only am I the president, I’m also member! I liked F.A.N. so much, I bought the company! Those statements aren’t completely true, but this is probably the closest I’ll ever be to using either. Humor me. But — on a serious note — check out the Falcon Athletic Network. While you’re at it, take a minute to look at the It’d also be a good idea to mark your calendar for next year’s F.A.N. Outing, set to take place Monday, Sept. 12, 2011 at Blue Ridge Country Club. Just like this year, there will be over $2,000 in prizes awarded, as well as the chance to win a new car and round trip flights to anywhere in the country. As F.A.N. Director, however, I can promise the best reason to come out and play next year: Additional, more creative ways to cheat will be concocted. 2010 F.A.N. Golf Outing Winners TOP FLIGHT Afternoon Outing TOP FLIGHT
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