A heartfelt letter from College Pastor Eldon Fry

I must admit that as a college professional, I expected a smooth transition when my oldest child went to college. I had read the pertinent materials, talked to fellow parents, researched the process, and even welcomed parents and their first-year students to my own institution. But, I must confess that something seemed desperately wrong as my wife, Ginger, and I arrived with our daughter at an empty residence hall where the resident assistant was away celebrating a new engagement. Then, we slowly went into withdrawal as we emptied the car, decorated the room, shared lunch, made several campus contacts, realized our daughter’s athletic teammates were in an off-campus meeting, and finally drove reluctantly away, leaving our firstborn on the stoop of her dorm waving forlornly to us. As we drove through the tradition-laden gate, we wept. The intensity of our emotions surprised us.

Years later, as this same young woman walked across the stage to receive her diploma, we were struck by the maturity and wealth of wisdom we saw in her. What had happened? While at college, she had experienced a profound change that resulted in a lifelong transformation.

It is the memory of this story multiplied by scores of others that motivates me and the Messiah College community to be actively engaged in the Christian formation of students. We believe that the college years represent a significant time of learning, exploration, and involvement in key activities and service, which work to shape students’ identities as mature adults.

Over the years, I have learned some simple, but important, lessons about helping students transition from high school graduate to successful survivor of the first year in college. First, as difficult as it seems for parents, letting go is a significant step in helping a child develop independence and make mature decisions. With the proliferation of cell phones, calling cards, and computers, parents are obliged to hone their active listening skills. Parents act as sounding boards for their children, and I discovered that my daughter often concluded our talks feeling much better while I was only one step from the “panic button.” Those conversations taught me to pray fervently and trust deeply in the years of love, care, and time Ginger and I had invested in our daughter. As a college pastor and parent, I know that college students may not always make the best decisions, but they are certainly aware of parental perspectives. Parents, you make a difference.

Second, I have come to realize that it is very important for parents of collegebound students to affirm the genuine intellectual and spiritual pursuits of higher education which will likely raise difficult issues and questions. These very challenges will eventually provide the means for students to use their God-given talents and abilities in their vocational callings. Education by its very nature produces change. Parents need to affirm the changes taking place in their child and trust the ultimate outcome.

I believe Messiah College is intentionally a sacred space in which to engage the intellectual and spiritual formation process that results in the transformation of young lives. Bringing a child to college is an act of faith. The surprise is that we parents learn along with our children as years of transformation unfold into the joy of graduation. Then, parents, children, and the Messiah College community truly join together and celebrate the successful completion of one of life’s most challenging and rewarding experiences.

Eldon Fry