Emily's Story
I have struggled with depression for a lot of my life. In junior high, I told my friend I wanted to kill myself but everyone thought I was trying to get more attention. In college, I realized that my feelings were not “normal” as compared to what my friends dealt with. Growing up I was told that I was an accident and my dad reminded me of what his life would be like if I hadn’t been born. My dad was an alcoholic and it was always clear that he loved drinking more than his family. My mom suffers from depression and was always disconnected from her family.
When I became depressed in college, I didn’t have the support from friends to encourage me to get help. College is a major stressor and with all the stress in my life, I couldn’t think clearly. My thoughts were clouded so that I didn’t know how to handle any part of my life. I became anxious and my normal coping skills were not getting me anywhere. But I found help by starting counseling and later, with medications. This was extremely difficult for me. Since I’m a nursing major, I have had patients with depression and were on the same medications as I was. It was humbling to know that I couldn’t fix myself on my own. People were not always encouraging. I heard a friend talk about how she didn’t want to take medications because she was “stronger” and people told me all about the side effects.
But, as I got more comfortable, I found that many other students were taking these same types of medications. I talked more about my counseling sessions and I heard of many other students tell me about their counselors too. I felt so alone at first but once I became more open to talking about my feelings, others began to tell me they felt the same way. Once I found the right medication and it began working, I could think clearly and handle the problems I needed to work through. I could talk through my problems and teach myself how to deal with the problems that I couldn’t fix.
I still have many emotional issues in my life, but I can now say that I’m handling it in a healthy matter. I do not need the medications anymore- I was able to climb that mountain and I’m constantly at watch to prevent my old way of thinking. I continue in counseling so that I can stop thinking the lies I once believed. I have changed dramatically because of my sessions at the Engle Center. I have the fear that I may become depressed again or that I might fall apart, but I know what it takes to find hope again. I didn’t have hope during many times of my experience but with time, I was able to find it in the value of my friendships and relationship with God.